Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
