Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
