I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
