i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
