You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
