OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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