Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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