The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You don't make any sense
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