It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
