what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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