Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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