Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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