do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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