Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
