I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
