I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
