she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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