I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
