the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
