Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He better not be in your backpack
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
