I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
