hotel room ftw
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
