He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
