I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
we should paint friendship bongs
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