I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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