i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
