I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
