Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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