Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He better not be in your backpack
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
