wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
