When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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