First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
