There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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