no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize