if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
