If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
