The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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