i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
