Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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