I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He felt like a one man threesome
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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