it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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