im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
