so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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