you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
