Michael Bay diarrhea
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
