what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
