he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
