how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
