Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
