Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I AM VODKA MAN
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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