Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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