they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
