god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize