he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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