It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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