but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
