im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize