If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
