I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the condom got lost in my hair
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
