Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
