yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Randomize