it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
