I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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