I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
