is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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