had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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