My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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