Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
