Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
