Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
