You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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