I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize