I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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