Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Its about making memories worth repressing
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
soo... how was my night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
